Real Housewives OC 8

Before I get going on my rants about the ladies I am going to comment on "glamping". It doesn't seem even remotely fun. Why would anyone spend that kind of money to cook your own dinner and to have bugs crawling down your bra? Not to mention the bees, skunks, and other undesirable creatures that are just waiting to annoy or scare the crap out of you. When will human beings ever understand that the wilderness is for the animals and insects and not for the people folk. I for one, understand this which is why I will never go camping, glamping, or whatever. Then you have to do more work by cooking and cleaning, when I could just do that in the comfort of my own home. Sorry to all of my camping blog readers, but I just don't understand the fun of roughing it.

Gretchen, clearly was not having fun with her voice snafu. But why the waterworks? Just drink some tea with honey and get over it. And her relationship with Douchebag just gets more and more disgraceful as this season goes on. I hate to say it, and I have alluded to it before, but my respect goes down a little for Gretchen the more I see her constantly giving Slade more reason to be more douchey.

Eddie and Tamras relationship is something that I think is too cute for words. I just love how they played tiddlywinks with Tamra's old titties. But what I liked even more was Eddie's acceptance of Tamra's decision to remove the boobs in the first place. That is something that definitely is rare today. Eddie and Tamra are my OC housewives couple of the season. Just love them to pieces.

A pair who won't ever be the couple of the season is Alexis and Heather. I am going to continue with what I said on my last two installments about Heather. She is really much more down to earth than was first portrayed and Heather, please don't make me regret saying that by reverting back to the snob that you were when this season first started. I think Alexis is the snob with all her talks about how much she pays in rent and how many cars her husband owns. Heather is right, she can buy a friggen place. Alexis said she bought a Prius to save the environment, I believe she bought a Prius to appear to be green friendly. I truly think that it is all appearances when it comes to Alexis. She cares so much what people think of her that it covers up how she really feels about herself. Poor Alexis, but hooray for Heather for speaking her mind.

And hooray for me. I am going on vacation and will be taking a week or so off from this blog. However, I will be back with another installment of the OC Housewives and yes, an installment from the premier of the new season of the Real Housewives of New Jersey which I can't hardly wait for.

Until then, that's all I got. Ciao for now.

Real Housewives OC 8

I really have to give props to Heather. I am not saying that she has redeemed herself completely but OC's token brunette is becoming the come back kid in my book. She may still be a little on the snobby side, but she has the best party ideas. First an elegantly catered, low carbohydrate painting party, and in this last episode she hosted a fun champagne bowling night. I only wish Alexis and Tamra could have been in attendance.

Tamra was having her breast reduction surgery. Yes I said breast reduction. I know it is a rare procedure today but Tamra is now a part of the Ity Bitty Titty Committee. I am so glad that Gretchen welcomed her into our exclusive club with a bottle of tequila in the shape of a penis. Now, that is a gift I would like to have myself. But, why did Bravo's cameras have to show her implant being pulled out of her bosom. It reminded me of a C-Section child birth, but instead it was the death of Tamra's big knockers. I don't know if Eddie can handle Tamra's new chest size, I think it will get some getting use to.

One thing that I got used to is Alexis' nose job. Kudos to that surgeon. You can't even tell she got any work done. Poor Alexis. I crown her the Queen of Dumb. She royally screwed up her "Fox 5" interview. First, she messed up the psychologists name who she was interviewing. But, the worst part is that she kept talking like she was some sort of expert on the subject matter and didn't give much time for the real experts, who were doctors in their field, to comment, or respond to any of her questions. I almost fell off my very deep sofa when Alexis then said that she had taken Journalism in college. O. M. G.!!!! Seriously??? I took a class in Anthropology in college and it doesn't mean that I am some sort of expert in primate evolution. WOW. I am just dumbfounded.

I am also dumbfounded when it comes to Slade. I can not believe that Gretchen's voice mail greeting says to call Slade to get a hold of her. And then he follows her around like a lost puppy to everything she has to attend to. I am really starting to lose respect for Gretchen. Does she really need a douchebag with her at all times. What does he bring to the table? What does he do besides just sit there and make weird faces? She is enabling him to be the douchebag that he is and she likes it. She can get any man she wants, I just don't understand. it just makes me want to scream.

Someone who did a whole lot of screaming was Gretchen's crazy friend Sarah. Oh wow!!! Can somebody say "coo coo for cocoa puffs"??? This chick is whack to say the least. I love Heather's husband's comment, "Where did she park her spaceship". It couldn't be more true. Sarah reminded me of the first season Kelly Bensimon was on the Real Housewives of New York. I wouldn't be surprised if she had a restraining order against her by some poor soul because she seems like a person who would be guilty of stalking. I really think Gretchen should have taken her to the hospital and had her committed as a 5150 instead of taking her to a bowling party.

Vicky handled Sarah like a champ. I am not always a fan of Vicky, but she showed nothing but class against a nut job like Sarah. She escaped that bowling alley without a scratch. She also escaped with a one pricey bottle of champagne for her and Brooks being kick ass bowlers. Congratulations Vicky. It seems like she's going to need that champagne because it seems to me that she is very lukewarm when it comes to this relationship she has with Brooks. He on the other hand seems like he's playing her and using her, he is just overdoing it with all the cards, and fancy dinners. Something about Brooks seems fake to me and Vicky just doesn't seem happy. I have a feeling this is a romance that is not going to last for very much longer.

Another thing that isn't going to last much longer is this installment because that's all I got. Ciao for now!!! :-)

Real Housewives OC 7

Hello everyone!!! It has been two long weeks. What's up Bravo??? Why the repeat week???  I had nothing to do last Tuesday night around this time so please never do that again. Thank you.

The one think I was anticipating the most was Briana's test results. Again, what a special woman who deserves a happy and healthy life. I am SO happy for her that I am whistling Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah out of my butt hole. Really, I'm that happy. Okay, sorry to give you all that visual but I just had to.

One visual you, me, or anyone else did NOT need to see was the color picture of the colony of dead aliens that once lived in Alexis' nostrils. I wish I was just having a post traumatic stress episode but I actually had to look at that Mucous Plug AGAIN. YUCK!!!! That just isn't cute.

Something that is cute is Tamra and Eddie. How adorable are they??? Working out together, how dreamy. Another thing that was also dreamy was Eddie's bicep as he flexed his muscle. If I were him I would want to give myself a blowjob, and according to Tamra he might just be able to do that.

I don't think Slade can. Poor Douchebag. Trying to compete with Eddie on athleticism is like Alexis competing with Katie Couric in broadcast journalism. Who do these people think they are??? I really think Alexis and Douchebag need to get together and go bowling, and they can talk about how great each other is. 

I would say that Heather would be in that bowling group too but girlfriend is redeeming herself for me. She actually kicked major ass in the mud run. Damn, I would think that the mere sight of dirt would make her barf, I'm impressed.

I thought Vicky was going to barf when Brooks kissed her at the restaurant. She says that she doesn't like PDA's, but did you see her face when she described his occupation as being a "consultant". I think deep inside Vicky is disgusted that Brooks too, is a dead beat dad, and worse, he has a questionable job as a "consultant". At least she can breathe a sigh of relief that her daughter is well.

Tamra can also breathe freely now that she's divorced. And Tamra, if for the teeny weenie, itty bitty chance, that you will read this. As a child of divorce, rest assured that it is much better to have divorced parents that are happy then to have married parents that are unhappy. Tamra's marriage to Simon was just one train wreck after another. So good riddance to Simon and hello to Eddie who gives you a healthy relationship, and a tight ass at the gym.

That's all I got, Ciao for now!!!

Real Housewives OC 6

Was this the Real Housewives of OC Surgery Edition or what??? I can not believe that Bravo had the balls to show Alexis' surgery. There was no "viewer discretion advised" or anything warning me that I was about to not only see a bloody septum that got pulled out of her nose, but this disgusting worm like mass the doctor called a "mucous plug". Thank goodness I wasn't eating spaghetti while I was watching because I probably would have thrown it up. My stomach is still turning after thinking about those things that looked like aliens that were living in Alexis' nostrils. That was something I definitely didn't need to see.

I do give Bravo props though, for not showing poor Briana's thyroid surgery. I hate to be redundant but I am just in awe of Briana's strength and calmness. She really is a special woman, I am really hoping for a miracle and that she does not have cancer. What a beautiful soul she seems to have.

Speaking of beautiful, I think it is great that Tamra wants to go back to B-Cup City. You go girl!! You got to respect a woman who wants to become more real and doesn't care what anyone thinks. I for one will welcome Tamra back into the Itty Bitty Titty Committee with open arms, and neither one of us will have to worry about crushing each others boobs. I think I am really liking this new Simon-less Tamra. If only Gretchen would ditch Douchebag, think of how peaceful the world could be.

I was beginning to think that Heather was a bit of a duchebag herself. She mentioned in four different times during this past episode about her so called acting career. So I decided to finally do a little research on her. If you would care to check it out yourself here is her imdb resume: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0656686/ .  You will see, yes she's been in a few sitcoms, most I've never heard of. Maybe Heather is a C-lister at best. But the thing that gets me is that she's talking about this extensive career she has in acting, I'm sorry but I still just don't see it.

I also don't see Heather's restaurant idea really panning out. Tamra may think that these six women who are going in on this project are all getting along, but you just wait my dear. Vicky was right about the failure rate of restaurants, and throwing six women who are co-owners in the mix, is like a ticking time bomb. I really hope that I am wrong, and wish no one ill success. But clearly Heather is way too arrogant for her own good. I guess it doesn't matter to her Daddy Warbucks husband who said he doesn't mind throwing three million down the drain. Terry could you at least throw that cash my way, it is a good cause I promise you, and I will use every penny wisely.

I give Vicky props for being wise about her business and starting her own company but I can not believe she is so stupid with men. She is still with Brooks AKA Dead Beat Dad Number Two!!! She is rude too for taking a phone call from him while Heather flew her in a helicopter to have lunch with a bunch of very wealthy women. I would say that it is his charm as a good father that turns her on, but it might be all the money he's been saving that is attractive to Vicky, who knows. Maybe it is just denial. Poor Vicky I really feel bad for her, she really is mess that I wouldn't call hot.

And that's all I got. Caio for now!!!

Real Housewives OC 5

I am going to begin this weeks segment just like the episode itself began. To quote my girl Gretchen: "Slade with the mullet, looked like such a douche bag.... So glad I didn't date him in the 80's". First of all, Gretchen, wake up!!! Slade is a douche bag today in 2012 or whenever this show was recorded!!! Also if you all have been following my blog I have been calling him a douche bag ever since the first one. Why Gretchen is with this guy continues to be a huge mystery to me.

Another thing that is a mystery is Alexis' major malfunction. Why is she so defensive about her surgery? Alexis, honey, you live in the OC, which second to Beverly Hills, is the plastic surgery capital of the good old US of A. Get a grip!!! Really, she's going to get all pissy with Heather and Terry talking about the surgery. Hello!!! It is what Terry does for a living. I think what she really is pissy about is the fact that Tamchen was in full effect. Poor Alexis, she just can't handle the fact that Gretchen and Tamra are getting close.

Obviously, Vicky can't hang with Tamchen either. Holy crap, I thought her eyes were going to pop out of her head. In fact, I thought I was hallucinating because I thought Vicky transformed into Ramona from New York there for a second. Bulging eyes are just creepy and wrong.

It is also wrong for Vicky to be a terrible mother to her daughter. I am not a mother, but isn't it a mothers job to be strong and supportive of their child? Vicky is giving me a good example of what not to do when I have kids. What is up with Vicky saying that she's going to throw up, while her daughter sits cool as a cucumber knowing that she's about to go under the knife? Why also would Vicky say that she feels like she is driving into heaven. Can anyone say "selfish" and "inappropriate"? What planet does Vicky live on? Clearly she lives on the one where parents put themselves before their kids.

I think Vicky lives on the planet Hypocrite. I can't believe she's trying to rationalize to Tamra that Brooks' situation is different that Slade's. Vicky, Brooks went to jail for not paying child support. The fact that he has a job doesn't make it better, it makes it worse. At least Douchebag has an excuse, he doesn't have a steady income. If Brooks has a job then he should be able to pay child support. It doesn't take a plastic surgeon to figure that logic out.

It is clear that Donn pays child support and isn't at all a dead beat dad. He seems very supportive and loving to Briana, who isn't even biologically his. Briana deserves a rock like Donn because she ain't getting that kind of support from her mother. I said this in my previous segment and I feel l need to say it again. Briana seems like an amazing woman. I truly hope that she recovers so that she can have a happy and healthy life.

That is all I got for now. Ciao everyone!!!

Real Housewives OC 4

Before I get to the fun stuff I want to express my sincere heartfelt support for Vicky's daughter Brianna. I hope that whatever she has is treatable and that she can recover quickly. Brianna seems like a special gal who deserves a happy and healthy life.

Now the fun stuff: Yes, I am saying this. I think below all of the pretentious, thinks she's better than everyone bull crap, there is a smart cookie in Heather. She had such a great strategy for the way Tamra should handle Douchebag, oops I mean Slade. She said to kill him with kindness, to cut him down. Slade just seems so dumb that it might just work. You can't fight stupid with stupid.

Tamra was not stupid when she said that Gretchen is way too good for Slade. She said he has no job, no house, not smart, and whatever else she said that was right on the money, which he doesn't have either I might add. What a loser. Tamra was also right when she said that Gretchen could get any guy, because she could. Why is my girl crush with such a loser is beyond me. Makes me question my own perspective, because I am losing respect for her. I guess she really likes to wear the pants and likes being the boss. Wouldn't that get boring? Anyways, Gretchen is still my favorite.

Everyone who knows me knows that the 80's is my favorite era. LOVED all of the outfits, and actually loved Heather's "Addicted to Love" costume. WOW!!! How creative of her.  Figures that Slade would come in wearing a long mullet, I bet he actually had one of those in the 80's. Mullets were like so bogus, gag me with a spoon Slade!!! I also liked Tamra's version of "Let's get physical", good for her. You show everyone that you don't have a Michelin Man ass!!!

Speaking of butts, what is up with the gay guy trying to start crap. This guy seems like a drama queen to me. And, so is Alexis. What is up with the tears when she's going to get a nose job. She already had her boobs done. What is her deal??? Also, why was she praying to Jesus to win a dice game. I think Heather was right, use those prayers for something a little more important, like Brianna.

Poor Vicky. I do feel bad for her, she is going through a divorce, her daughter is ill, and she has to run her company. I have a feeling that her nervous breakdown is about to happen with the likes of Gretchen. This dice game party is turning out to be shaky grounds for Vicky. This is even exacerbated by the fact that Tamchen is becoming more solid and a threat to Vicky. Oh I can't wait to see what happens next week!!!

I was just going to go until I just remembered that Tamra called Alexis a "ding dong". Classic.

Now I can say, that's all I got this week. Ciao for now! :-)

Real Housewives OC 3

First of all I have to give props to my girl Melanie for sharing the experience that is the Real Housewives of the OC with me, and I have to give her props for wanting to know about these women and what they are all about but halfway through this episode, I didn't think I would have much to write since the first half was kind of lackluster. Now I don't know where to start.

I know, I will start with the one who is like the one black Labrador in a litter of all yellow puppies... you guessed it. Heather. It is like she is now in this group of semi intelligent, somewhat non pretentious/down to earth and crazy women. Heather, besides the fact she's the only brunette, is this snobby, thinks she's too cool for school, wanna be. I hate to burst Heather's bubble of conceit but girlfriend, you are a housewife!!!! And I am sure with that big of a house, you have help with the kids, which by the way I have the utmost respect for women whose job is being a mom. But Heather, what is it that she does in life? She is not an actress, not a singer, and I couldn't believe when she said she was a stand up comic. Her funny? I'd think that watching golf on tv.would be funnier than she'd be. Who does she think she is??? Own up to what you are and stop pretending to be someone else. Yes, I like Heather very much, can't you tell?

I did like Vicky last season, but she is getting on my last nerve. Why is she all of a sudden resorting to acting like a forth grader, when it comes to the friendship of Gretchen and Tamra(Tamchen). Why is Vicky so threatened? I mean Tamra at least had the decency to show up at her house and cook an egg white scramble for herself. Vicky, Tamra still has love for you, don't be such a drama queen. But please be a good mom. She didn't seem to want to talk to her daughter about the fact that her daughter has the big "C".  Come on Vicky mom up!!! Your daughter seems more adult than you, perhaps you should listen to her. Also, Vicky says that she fought for her marriage. Paaaahlease, she did not. She wanted out of that marriage just as bad as Donn did. Don't try to pretend you are some victim. Your daughter knows better.

Slade's mom also knows better, apparently. I love that woman. If Liz had her fan club, I'd join in two shakes of a lambs tail. His comedy sucked, and he has now climbed the douchebag totem pole yet again. I don't know if he can ever get down now,  and if he did, he'd probably need Gretchen to come up and get him. Maybe he and Heather can have their own non funny version of a comedy show.

What is not going to be funny is the backlash that Gretchen is going to receive at the hands of Vicky for what Slade said, comparing her to Mrs. Piggy, and then what Gretchen is going to say back to Vicky for herself being in a relationship with a dead beat dad. Okay, I lied. It will be funny. Also will Tamchen survive Slade's not so flattering remarks about Tamra?

That is okay because Tamra gets all the flattering she needs from Eddie. Should he win the best boyfriend award or the worst pushover award? The romantic in me says best boyfriend. What a guy!!! So understanding, and so supportive. I'd make Eddie a rifleman in my beloved corps(line from Full Metal Jacket).

Speaking of rifleman, kind of, okay not really, I think I am ready to announce my girl-crush this season. It is Gretchen. Damn! She has an amazing body, hilarious, bluntly sexual, smart as all heck, and girlfriend runs her own successful business(with the help from Slade). It is no wonder that Tamra wants to be your BFF, I would too. Don't worry Camile from Beverly Hills, you are my one and only girl-crush on your show.

That is all I got from this weeks episode. Ciao for now! :-)

Real Houswives OC 2

Hello all!!! Welcome to my bloggy blogg. This is what I got for this weeks episode of The Real Housewives of the OC.

Heather, two things girlfriend. First, I grossed out when you made that comment that you husband is part your husband and part a little brother. Eeeeew, incest much!!! Oh, but I take that back because apparently you and your husband don't have sex anymore, or so she wants us all to think. hmmmm.... Also, this is only the third episode and I'm already sick of her talking about how she's an actress. Um, I don't recall ever seeing heather in any show or commercial, and I'm too lazy to Google her so if any of you all want to fill me in on what she's been in, I'd appreciate it, and maybe she might redeem herself a little in my book.

Luckily, I don't have to Google Brooks because apparently Gretchen has done us all the favor of doing it for us. BOMBSHELL: Brooks is a dead beat dad, who was a arrested and from what I have heard, spent time behind bars. YIKES!!! I think Slade is just as much a douchebag as I always did, but come on. To give him this ammunition is going to be a knife in Vicky's hypocritical back. I don't know about you, but I can't wait for this volcano to erupt. It is going to be viewing pleasure that will put Teresa Giudice and Danielle Staub's from New Jersey's argument to shame. Although I don't think Vicky has extensions to pull out, but maybe Gretchen does.

What Gretchen does have is Tamra's friendship. I just love how they bonded at the sex shop. I don't know if any of you caught it but Tamra spent a whopping $295 and some change there. You go Tamra!!! You show that Eddie the only hands that are going to be touching your boobs are his, maybe that will help him forgive you from what an asshole of yourself you made. But I do like this new friendship because I think Gretchen and Tamra do have much in common.

Tamra and Vicky I feel are going down hill. There is no way Vicky can take Tamchen(a combination of Tamra and Gretchen). Last season I would have said that Tamchen didn't stand a chance against Vicky, but I think poor competitive Vicky's got another thing coming. However, I do think Vicky did win the painting contest.

Before I go, I just have to say something off topic. I don't know how she managed to get herself on the Celebrity Apprentice but Donald Trump, PLEASE FIRE TERESA GIUDICE.  By the way, since when does people have to start saying her last name Joo-dich-ee and not Joo-dice as she used to be called. She's just gross.

That's all I got, ciao for now!!!

Real Housewives OC 1

Welcome to my blog about the Real Housewives. Here is some commentary about last Tuesday's episode:

Alexis is the most insecure out of this bunch. I don't understand why she didn't talk to Peggy, Peggy was trying to "talk it out". But apparently, Alexis is too bitter about the fact that Peggy once f'ed her husband before they were married. I gotto feel sorry for Peggy.. By the way, Peggy looks like she can be the sister of Beverly Hills' Taylor. PLEASE Peggy, don't leave this group of girls, I love your chutzbah.

Speaking of Chutzbah, we finally have a Jew on a housewives show that is oh so proud. I loved Heather's line "I am the only brunette Jew in a world of Shcikzah blondes in the OC". But I am not so sure I like Heather. She seems to exist on a high horse but maybe she's earned that pedestal. We will just have to wait and see. She does have beau coup bucks. Her house is as big as my entire condominium complex.

Gretchen seems to have a complex that I think I like so far. She has the boobs(figuratively and literally) to pose nude for the cause of saving the boobies. You gotto love her for that. You know, last season I thought she was a bit of a tool because she was with a man who didn't pay child support, and the jury is still out on Slade on his likability. But I do think that he loves, oops I mean worships Gretchen's sacred ground. I'm not sure I'd want a puppy dog for a boyfriend, but you go Gretchen, you get that leash out and drag that man around. I just hope she doesn't slip and tell him to give her his paw.

About paws, I can't believe Eddie got kind of flirty with Vicky right in front of their significant others. What I can't believe more is that Tamra grabbed poor unsuspecting Brooks' hand and grabbed her boob with it. Can somebody say inappropriate? Really Tamra, that was not classy. I do agree what Eddie and Vicky were doing first wasn't quite kosher, but getting even with him by the forced boob grab was like a Jew drinking bacon with a glass of milk. I think Heather would get that joke.

That is all I got for now, ciao for now.